Dealing with grief from pet loss

Howdy everyone,
I just noticed that I haven't revealed much from my personal life. Attached are some pictures of my cats.

My ginger cat, Milo. He is 8 years old. 

My foster, Diego. 

My foster, Dot. He is very weird. 

When I edit and upload pictures to this blog, I have to be very careful with how back I scroll. Meet Nieve.

Nieve, he is the white cat. 

Now, the reason I have to be careful is because my cat Nieve passed away about 3 weeks ago. Every time I go back in my pictures, I think: wow, that is when he was still alive. Or: that is when he really took a turn for the worst. The story of his passing is long and I plan on uploading a video soon about him, but dealing with pet grief especially during COVID-19 has been really hard. I was not able to hold a memorial service, I wasn't able to invite people to see him, and I mostly had to handle it alone. The first two weeks after losing him were rough. I was either really sad or angry. You see, he was only 6 years old when he passed away from feline lymphoma. This was a sudden loss, and he gave almost no warning of what was wrong; but I will go into details about all this in a video. He had always been a big boy (about 19-17 lbs most of his life), but seeing him lose so much weight in a short amount of time sent my stress levels to an all-time high.

Losing him has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I still tear up when I see his urn (it is on my altar), see pictures when I had to put him down, or pictures during his illness.  But, in the end, I can only hope that Nieve went through his last day as happy as he could be, despite being debilitated by such a horrible illness. Milo, Diego, and Dot will all continue his legacy.

Nieve, we miss you so much. You were the light of our lives, and I hope you were happy as we surrounded you with love until your last breath. I promise we will celebrate with you properly once this invisible terror subsides. The silver lining is that I was able to be with you since we weren't allowed outside for about a month when you passed.

The video about pet grief and Nieve's loss is forthcoming. It is also I hope a way that I can be productive with my sorrow and turn it into something creative. Thanks for hanging around and I will post the video when it is ready.